Feeling Blue. Hello again, Creepy Frustration.

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Why does it always happen, without fail, that after a couple of joyful days you get (more than a couple of) sorrowful days?

Is it because of the “Balance” thing. You know.. that balance in life has to be maintained.. “Kabhi khushi Kabhi ghamm” crap?? Is this a non-altering cycle of life which everyone HAS to experience? Is it because when you experience dark, gloomy days you value the happy times more? I certainly don’t think so! As whenever something good will happen in my life, instead of valuing it more I’ll be nervous about what kind of despondency or sorrow is going to follow this patch.

Why can’t one live peacefully, if not happily ALL the time? Why do some or the other shitty thing disrupts a person’s peace of mind?

Am I asking way tooo much?

I’m having a lot trouble writing this post, as tears are blurring my vision. But I have no one who’ll understand! It is just so wrong! Feel like running away from everything. But where will I go? Where the hell can I go! I can’t handle all this..I don’t think I have that kind of energy. It’s slowly draining all my strength.!

They all are bloody dichotomous and hypocrites. They expect things from me and on the other hand, They preach the exact opposite things publicly. If You can’t practice what you preach then why this unnecessary preaching in the first place? You keep sinning (Yes, I used the word “sinning”. Get over it), you yourself have no guilt inside but you DO have the cheek to tell me things. Great! I hold YOU responsible for my tears.

You all are nothing but servants of the society!! You can’t take your own stand and won’t even let anybody else take their stand. You can’t handle individuality, strong headedness ; you just want a person to blend-in with others and do exactly what society expects them to do, whether it’s right or wrong.

On one hand, you tell me to keep my head held high always, never to compromise in life. On the other hand, you tell me In life one always HAS to and MUST compromise! WHY should I compromise? I do not want to!

Do you people even realize what you’ve got? The person you are so “angry” with, what exactly is her fault? Is this what one gets in return for being good? You are annoyed with me because I spend too much time with you all at home? Do you want me to do what others do? Okay, If that’s what you want , I will make many random friends, go out, spend absolutely no time with you all, smoke, drink, waste money and do stuff which most individuals of my age do. If that’s what you want!! 

You keep saying how much I disappoint you. Have ever even thought for a second how much and how often you disappoint me????

And, yes, thanks for pointing out time and again that I have a “very few” friends. I didn’t know not having bucket-loads of friends was a crime. Please sue me; or better kill me for that. Why is it so damn difficult for you to understand that each individual is unique. No two people can be alike. You cannot always be wanting to change who I actually am and become like somebody you admire. There are a million of things I hate about you. Only difference is , you can keep nagging me about things all the time, but I can’t even say a single thing. Why, Oh yes, society. I am expected to keep listening, keep tolerating all my life. No matter how much the words hurt. I have to keep soaking it all up.

If this what life is about and if it is going to get tougher, I do not want to continiue living.

I’ll probably regret writing this post in the future. I don’t care. I will completely my mental stability if I don’t blow off my steam every once in a while. Catharsis is vital for my survival.

We all have our own issue, our own set of troubles. We all eventually deal with stuff in our own ways. I am very well aware of that. I am just too frustrated right now. Feeling hopeless. Feeling stuck.

P.S. I am a person. Not a sponge. I also have feelings and emotions.

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